Next Global Online Service












Next Global Online Service

On Air

Taking Out the Trash | Real Marriage #5 Sermon Notes

From the February 12 sermon “Taking Out the Trash”, preached by Pastor Mark Driscoll:

Every house—like any relationship, particularly a marriage—has trash that must be taken out. You’re going to sin against each other. Trash is going to accumulate. If you don’t take out the trash, it will stink up the whole relationship. Don’t fight with criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling. Rather, fight to the glory of God by recognizing sin and repenting of sin. Repentance is three things: confession, contrition, and change. It takes a sinner to repent. It takes a victim to forgive. It takes two people to reconcile. The only way your relationship will be enduring and endearing is if repentance of sin and forgiveness of sin are practiced; otherwise, it will not get better, it will get bitter.

And so at Mars Hill, it’s really important that you know that we use the language of sin because that’s the language the Bible uses. It’s not just a moral failure or a mistake. It’s a sin, and that means it not only is implicating and affecting the person that we’re in relationship with, it also includes God. It includes the Lord. Because when we sin, we sin against the Lord. That’s what the psalmist says. “Against you only,” Lord God, have I sinned.” And we sin against the person we’re in relationship with. And this is what distinguishes Christian relationships from all other relationships. . . .

Here’s the big idea: if you’ve done bad, feel bad; otherwise, you’re a sociopath, right? We don’t want you to say, “I did bad, but I feel good.” Well, okay, then you have some serious issues. Sometimes we feel bad, because we’ve done bad. And what that is, that’s not condemnation. "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ.” It’s conviction. It’s the Holy Spirit showing us our sin, not to destroy us, but to motivate us to destroy the sin before it destroys the relationship.

The Protestant Reformation was kicked off with basically a manifesto called, “The 95 Theses” that was penned by Martin Luther, and it was nailed to this door at a place called Wittenberg, and it began this manifesto with this statement: “All of a Christian’s life is one of repentance.” You repent of sin to become a Christian. You repent of sin to grow as a Christian. You repent of sin to reveal Christ to others. All of a Christian’s life is one of repentance. The prophets keep saying, “Repent, repent, repent.” And repentance is three things. It’s confession, it’s contrition, and it’s change. . . .

Confession is your mind and your mouth. Contrition is ultimately inclusive of your emotions and your expressions. Somebody who is really contrite, they not only know categorically that they have done wrong, but they feel emotionally that they’ve done wrong. You feel it. . . .

So, it is conviction, it is contrition, and it is change, and change, that’s your will and your works. By the power of the Holy Spirit, you say, "I don’t want to do that anymore. "I don’t want to say that anymore. "I don’t want to be like that anymore. “I want to be like Jesus. I want to get beyond this. I want this to die, since Jesus died for it. I want to put it to death.” And ultimately, by the grace of God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, you change. You stop doing that. You stop being like that. And maybe it’s all at once, and it’s radical. Maybe you have some failures along the way, but you repent and come clean, and you seek the help that you need, and you confess it to your spouse, and you ask for prayer, and by the grace of God, you do change.

The Bible says that life and death are held by the power of the tongue. You could bring life or death to that relationship by the words you choose, and the Holy Spirit wants you to have truthful words, not lying words, but words that are gracious, words that are life giving, not death causing. . . .

And if you don’t, here’s what happens: bitterness. Bitterness. See, the sinner is supposed to repent of sin; the victim of sin is supposed to forgive. And if the victim of sin does not forgive, you become bitter. All you need to do to become bitter is not forgive. . . .

And all of that’s a denial of the gospel of Jesus Christ. “Well, didn’t he suffer? Wasn’t he shamed? Didn’t he die? Hasn’t he already paid?” “Yes, but that’s not enough. I’m going to make them pay, as well.” And that’s what bitter people do. Relationships, marriages, they invariably get bitter, or they get better.

It’s really a change of theology and how we view God. And it usually contributes to a false gospel, meaning, "I know Jesus suffered, but I need to suffer, too. I know Jesus was shamed, but I need to be ashamed, too. I know that Jesus wept, but I need to weep, too. I know that Jesus was rejected, but I need to be rejected, too.” And what it’s saying is, “Jesus, I really appreciate it, but that wasn’t quite enough.” And what it’s saying is, "Jesus, I know you forgive me, "and I know you’re the Lord, "but above you there’s another lord: me. “And though you would forgive me, I don’t forgive myself, because I’m the highest lord in my life.” . . .

So, for those of you who are now hearing this, you need to do something with it. Are you a Christian? Have you ever repented of your sin to Jesus and received his forgiveness? If not, you need to do that. Become a new person, not just a better person, but a new person. . . .

The final word is not condemnation, but salvation. Jesus didn’t just die—he also rose, and he hears prayer. He forgives sin. He reconciles people to himself and one another. And as we sing, that’s what we celebrate.

Next week, part 6: “Sex: God, Gross, or Gift?”

It's All About Jesus

Jesus was a man who claimed to be God. Think on that for a minute. If that were true, how would it change the way you thought, felt, and lived this life?

At Mars Hill, we believe that Jesus is God. We take him at his word. Because of this, everything we do is all about Jesus. We invite you to learn more about this man who is God and how you can find forgiveness and new life in him.

Learn More Stories

Making Disciples

God reveals himself through us to others. Our priority is to make disciples who love God and love others well.

Learn More

Planting Churches

God works through his church to make disciples. Our commitment is to plant churches that love God and love others.

Learn More

What to Expect

Visiting a church for the first time can be nerve-racking. But having an idea of what to expect can help. There are three main parts to every Sunday service: preaching, worship, and kids. To learn more about each of these, click the links below.

The Mars Hill Guide Leadership at Mars Hill

We value community

Church is more than a service. It’s people living life together and helping one another throughout our cities to serve our cities. Each week, thousands of people at Mars Hill meet in hundreds of small communities to learn about God, pray, eat, laugh, and live. We call these Community Groups—and they’re the heart of our church.

Learn More About Community  Log In to The City

Mars Hill Music

Mars Hill musicians write fresh music and rearrange timeless hymns for our worship services and recording. Explore Mars Hill Music.

Cheerful givers wanted

Jesus is the most generous person who ever lived. He gave his life so that we might live. As Christians, we give our time, talent, and money joyfully in response to Jesus’ generosity and to help more people meet Jesus.

Give Money Give Time

My Library beta

You can now save your favorite sermons, blog posts and Mars Hill content in one place!

To use My Library, you'll need to sign in or create an account.

Sign in / Sign up

My Notes

Did you know you can take notes while you stream our services on Sundays? You can view your notes at any time, and share them with anyone you choose.

To use My Notes, you'll need to sign in or create an account.

Sign in / Sign up