Next Global Online Service












Next Global Online Service

On Air


Do You Understand Your Wife’s Hair?

1 Peter 3:7 calls husbands to “live with your wives in an understanding way . . . since they are heirs with you of the grace of life.” After 18 years of marriage, God continually surprises me with his grace and commitment to make me look like Jesus.

Once, my wife and I were preparing for a busy week, which included hosting out-of-town guests and dealing with a car in the shop. With an already full plate, Jen was squeezing in an appointment when her hair dresser called to say she had to cancel the appointment.

Jen came to me, overwhelmed and stressed. Seeing her distress, I said, “I understand, Jen.” I gave her a ride to pick up our car and then took care of some things at home for her while she was gone.

Later that afternoon when Jen came home, she said, “Thanks for telling me you understood earlier today. It made me feel loved, and cared for. I don’t think you’ve ever said that to me before.” I had to stop and think about that. She was right.

You Don’t Have to Understand Her to Serve Her

Let me get something straight: I don’t understand my wife’s hair. (I’ve heard her and her friends talk about hair being “fun”; I will never understand that.) But I did understand that my wife needed my support and my compassion. Although her hair contributed to the stress of the situation, it was not the problem.
When Peter tells husbands to “live with your wives in an understanding way,” he is telling them to pursue their wives’ hearts, not to get hung up on the circumstances.

Too often in our marriage, I have made my wife the problem, in essence missing her heart and setting her up to feel alone and misunderstood. In making her the problem, I miss the deeper problem going on in my heart: I like life and marriage to be easy. When that idol gets threatened, it is tempting for me to blame her. 

In this case, I could have selfishly responded by wondering why she had to get her hair cut today or why she was so upset, missing a wonderful opportunity to serve and love her. But thankfully, God intervened on my behalf so I could extend her grace and help.

Husbands, remember you and your wife are equal as image bearers and grace recipients, defined and refined by the work of Jesus.

Understanding your wife means you need to set your agenda and insight aside. Are you willing to do that for her good and the glory of God? Seek to engage your spouse and face the trials together with the help of Jesus who is with you and for you. Mature together. Endure together. Don’t quit even if that seems like the only option. God will not quit on you.

Phil Smidt is the marriage and family pastor at Mars Hill Church Ballard.

It's All About Jesus

Jesus was a man who claimed to be God. Think on that for a minute. If that were true, how would it change the way you thought, felt, and lived this life?

At Mars Hill, we believe that Jesus is God. We take him at his word. Because of this, everything we do is all about Jesus. We invite you to learn more about this man who is God and how you can find forgiveness and new life in him.

Learn More Stories

Making Disciples

God reveals himself through us to others. Our priority is to make disciples who love God and love others well.

Learn More

Planting Churches

God works through his church to make disciples. Our commitment is to plant churches that love God and love others.

Learn More

What to Expect

Visiting a church for the first time can be nerve-racking. But having an idea of what to expect can help. There are three main parts to every Sunday service: preaching, worship, and kids. To learn more about each of these, click the links below.

The Mars Hill Guide Leadership at Mars Hill

We value community

Church is more than a service. It’s people living life together and helping one another throughout our cities to serve our cities. Each week, thousands of people at Mars Hill meet in hundreds of small communities to learn about God, pray, eat, laugh, and live. We call these Community Groups—and they’re the heart of our church.

Learn More About Community  Log In to The City

Mars Hill Music

Mars Hill musicians write fresh music and rearrange timeless hymns for our worship services and recording. Explore Mars Hill Music.

Cheerful givers wanted

Jesus is the most generous person who ever lived. He gave his life so that we might live. As Christians, we give our time, talent, and money joyfully in response to Jesus’ generosity and to help more people meet Jesus.

Give Money Give Time

My Library beta

You can now save your favorite sermons, blog posts and Mars Hill content in one place!

To use My Library, you'll need to sign in or create an account.

Sign in / Sign up

My Notes

Did you know you can take notes while you stream our services on Sundays? You can view your notes at any time, and share them with anyone you choose.

To use My Notes, you'll need to sign in or create an account.

Sign in / Sign up